Mark & Ann

The following is the wedding meditation given by Pastor Logan Thune at the wedding of Mark and Ann Christenson, members of Emmaus Road Church, on Saturday, February 15.

Ephesians 5:22-33

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Introduction

Mark and Ann, we have come a long way since that first date where the word on the street is that, Mark, you didn’t dress up nice enough for Ann’s liking. But today’s a different story, you both look great and we are all here to celebrate one of the most beautiful things in the entire world: marriage.

You guys have chosen Ephesians 5:22-33 as the text for this wedding meditation. In one sense, this passage is simple and straightforward, and yet in another sense, it is so deep and so marvelous that we will scarcely scratch the surface of its meaning on this side of heaven. In Ephesians 5:31-32, the Apostle Paul quotes from Genesis 2:24 and draws our attention to the very first marriage when he says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” Paul says that marriage is a mystery, but we should not confuse that with it being a secret. Marriage is not a mysterious secret, rather it is a majestic symbol that points beyond itself to something else. And when God created marriage in the beginning, he intended it to be a profound parable that would point toward his plan to save his people from their sins.

It was not after Christ came in the flesh and died on the cross that God looked around in the creation and thought that marriage would make a good analogy. Instead, it was precisely the anticipated coming of Christ and his dying on the cross that God had in mind when he created marriage in the beginning. The relationship of Christ and the church is the substance of marriage, and the relationship between a husband and a wife is only the shadow. Therefore, in this profound parable, a husband is to model his part to play after Christ and a wife is to model her part to play after the church. So let’s consider each of those roles.

The Husband’s Part in the Parable

Mark, we will start with you. You are to take your cues from Christ.

First, as a husband, you are to lead and love your wife. Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Husbands must first lead themselves so that they can then lead their wives. Paul knows that they already know how to love themselves, but they need to learn how to love their wives as their own body. And verse 25 shows us that this loving should primarily look like dying. The manliest thing that a husband can do for his wife is die for her. And that is precisely why Adam failed at his task in the garden. Rather than offering his life for Eve’s when they fell into sin, he pointed his finger and tried to make her die for him instead.

But the godly husband will serve his wife by sacrificially leading her and loving her… how? “As Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

Second, a husband will teach and sanctify his wife. Ephesians 5:26 says, “that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.” A godly husband is to be the resident theologian of his home. He needs to know his Bible and he needs to know how to use it. Or as Joe Rigney puts it, “A mature husband wakes up in the morning knowing who he is and what he’s about” (Rigney, Leadership and Emotional Sabotage, pg. 55). He is responsible for the spiritual aroma of his marriage. And his goal should be to beautify his wife through God’s word so that she might be presented in splendor on that last day.

Third, a husband will provide for and protect his wife. In Genesis 2:15, God sets Adam in the garden to “work it and keep it,” to cultivate it and defend it. In other words, he was to be a gardener and a guardian. In Ephesians 5:29, Paul uses the words “nourish” and “cherish,” implying that husbands will give nourishing provision and tender protection to their wives. A husband ought to ensure that there is food on the table, clothes in the closet, and a roof on the house. And when there is a sound at the door in the middle of the night, he should be the one to go and handle it like a man.

Mark, being a godly husband is a tall order. Because the example you are to follow as a husband is the perfect man, Jesus Christ, you will inevitably fall short at times. But that is a built-in feature of marriage. And when you sin, it provides you with a perfect opportunity to show your wife what true repentance and faith and humility should look like. It allows you to point your family to Christ. The key is that you take responsibility. There are times when you, like Adam in the garden, will be tempted to abdicate or blame-shift, or be lazy; but as a husband, it’s your duty to be responsible. And only in Christ will you find the grace and power to live that out, so rely on him in your husbandry. The amazing thing is that God also knows that you will need help in this husband business, and he has provided you with a wonderful gift in Ann. As one author says, “In an absolute sense, then, [a wife] is a gift of God, the greatest gift that God could give to the man who had been created in his image—a gift that the man must therefore receive and value as given from the Lord’s own hand” (Bavinck, The Christian Marriage, pg. 4).

The Wife’s Part in the Parable

So, next, we’ll consider Ann’s part in this parable. Ann, you are to take your cues from God’s will for the church.

First, as a wife, you are to follow, submit to, and obey your husband. Ephesians 5:22-24 says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Submission has gotten a bad reputation in our day. The idea is not popular, but the Bible speaks about submission positively. It is a good thing. We could think of it like glue. It binds things. And “every human institution in the history of the world has been held together by it” (Wiley, …War for the Cosmos, pg. 108). Armies, sports teams, churches, businesses, governments, and families cannot function without submission. It’s required and necessary. It’s a fact of life. And in 1 Corinthians 11, the Apostle Paul highlights that the woman was created after the man, she was created from the man, and she was created for the man. Eve was oriented toward Adam, and therefore she was to respond to his initiative. We could say that Adam was the head, and Eve was the heart. And a godly wife will learn to gladly follow a godly husband.

Second, a wife is to help and glorify her husband. In Genesis 2:18, God says, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” As Herman Bavinck says, “[Man] needs a helper; a woman, who does not stand above him to dominate him, nor beneath him as one degraded to the status of a tool for pleasure, but one who stands alongside him, stationed at his side and therefore formed from his side” (Bavinck, The Christian Family, pg. 6). None of the other animals God created were fit to be Adam’s helper. Adam needed a helper that corresponded to him in a way that was complementary and different and the same and opposite him. And when Adam finally set his eyes on Eve after his brief nap in the garden, he said “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Genesis 2:23). When Adam saw the beauty and grace of Eve, he knew that she was his glory, and so when he named her, he embedded his own name in her’s. As Matthew Henry once said, “She is the crown, a crown to her husband, the crown of the visible creation. The man was dust refined, but the woman was dust double refined.” Paul says in 1 Corinthians 11:7, she was the glory of the image and glory of God. Or as Proverbs 12:4 says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband.” Ann, you should seek to be a crown on Mark’s head.

Third, a wife is to respect and encourage her husband. Ephesians 5:33 says, “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Just as love is a wife’s currency, respect is a husband’s currency. And one of the best ways that a wife can influence her husband and win him over is by showing respect and honor to him. Mark will need to know that you think he is strong, wise, and capable. That will put wind in his sails and encourage him to be the best husband that he can be. A man will go to battle for a woman who shows him respect like that.

Ann, being a wife is a good thing and it is also a difficult thing. There are times when you may become envious or want some independence like Eve did in the garden. The key is to be humbly and joyfully responsive to your husband in obedience to Christ. He will supply you with all the grace and strength you will need to be a godly wife. And as you play your part in the parable, I hope that you will also come to realize the sweetness, and freedom, and goodness of God’s design in marriage.

Conclusion: Two Parts Become One Flesh

So, those are the two parts to play in this parable. But, as Ephesians 5:31 mentions, one of the most profound things about the mystery of marriage is that the two people playing two separate parts will also become one flesh. One new, inseparable unit that is sent out into the war for the cosmos for God’s glory, displaying the gospel for the world to see. And, together, as one flesh… You are to seek to take dominion over what God has given you. And you are to take seriously God’s command to be fruitful and multiply. And if the Lord blesses you with children, you are to receive them gladly.

But most importantly, as one flesh, you are to display the beauty of the church’s union with Christ and the glory of imputation. What do I mean by that? Mark, after today, everything that belongs to you will belong to Ann. And everything that belongs to Ann will belong to you. You both will share one bank account, one budget, one bed, even one bathroom…you will have one last name, and one life of loving union together. As C.R. Wiley says, “[Marriage] means that what goes for one, goes for the other. And Paul tells us that all of this applies to Christ and the Church. What belongs to the Church, belongs to Christ [that is all of our sin]; and what belongs to Christ, belongs to the Church [that is all of his righteousness], because they are one flesh” (Wiley, …War for the Cosmos, pg. 112).

So the question really is, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?” May your marriage remind all of these witnesses here that the answer to that question is nothing. Nothing in all the earth can separate us from the love that God has shown to us in Christ Jesus. And earthly marriage, as a picture of that love, should encourage all of us to put our faith in Christ, who died for our sins, was buried, and rose again, so that all who are joined in union with him might live and reign forever with him. And that is good news for the world.

The Charge

Mark, here is my charge to you: Tend your garden. Work it and keep it. Know it well and know what it needs to thrive. Plant seeds. Water them and give them light. Make sure that there aren’t any hidden sins creeping in to suffocate the plants in your garden. Fend off the aphids, and snakes, and rabbits that threaten your produce. Don’t make any excuses. And lay down your life for the good of your garden so that it bears fruit, thirty, sixty, and a hundredfold.

And Ann, here is my charge to you: Tend your gardener. Because he needs help. Take the work and produce of his hands and turn it into hospitality and feasts with rich food and drink. Receive Mark’s love and turn it into fruitfulness. Take the plants, flowers, and fruit from the garden and make them more beautiful and glorious. Pray for your husband and give him wise counsel. And become more radiant as God’s Word continues to transform you with each passing year.

And together, Mark and Ann, may your marriage, and all the metaphors that we can think of to explain it, reveal the glorious mystery of Christ’s love for his Church.