How to Maintain Unity | Ephesians 4:1-6
When I was 17, I moved to Monterrey, Mexico to attend a Discipleship Training School (DTS) with a global missions organization. After that, I worked on staff for 2 years, helping to lead a few of those schools. And I learned something profound about the Christian life.
DTS began with a lecture phase, packed with teaching on the nature and character of God, biblical worldview, evangelism, and missions. The schedule is full of times of worship, intercession, and outreach. Students attending the school expect spiritual growth to happen through that formal curriculum.
But then as a student, you’re thrown into dorm life. And some of your roommates might be annoying. And someone might “borrow” your toothpaste or take your soap. And personalities clash, and relational conflicts arise.
And here’s what I learned. Learning may happen in the classroom, but life in community is where the rubber meets the road—where personal sin gets exposed and sanctification happens. Life in community can feel like a distraction from theology and prayer and worship. But it’s not. Life in community is where theology gets applied.
It’s possible to feel spiritually mature when you’re engaged in some obvious spiritual activity. It’s when you get up from your Bible reading or private prayer and have to interact with people that you come crashing back to earth. John writes, “If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother” (1 John 4:20–21).
That’s sobering, isn't it? Your love for God is not measured merely by the intensity of the emotions you feel when you think about God in private, but by the sincerity of your love for others.
Here are two questions. First, is there anyone with whom you struggle to get along? Anyone who rubs you the wrong way or requires extra grace? It could be a brother or sister in Christ here in this gather. Or even your spouse, or a child, a sibling or a roommate.
Second, do you view the people in your life as custom picked by God to sanctify you?
Ephesians 4:1–6 is all about how you can get along with people who are difficult and different.
Ephesians 4:1–6
1 I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
The Call for Unity
In Ephesians 4:1, the tone and focus of this letter shifts significantly. Ephesians 1–3 is packed with praise and prayers to God. Up to this point, Paul has not uttered a single command. God has been the exclusive subject—who he is and what he has done.
But now Paul begins to strongly urge his audience to live their lives in a particular way. “I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called.” When Paul speaks of walking, he’s talking about your everyday conduct in life. The word urge (parakaleō) is one that Paul uses over fifty times. It often indicates a transition into practical instruction on Christian living.
Paul’s language is emphatic, beginning with Paul and his identity as “a prisoner for the Lord.” Paul was in prison for his unrelenting commitment to preach the gospel. In the eyes of some, Paul’s imprisonment could have undermined his credibility. But Paul points to it as proof of his calling as an Apostle and his authority to tell other Christians how to live. He said in 3:13, “So I ask you not to lose heart over what I am suffering for you, which is your glory.”
This is an authoritative and directive word. Only the Word of God has the authority to tell you how to think and feel and live. Does the Word of God govern your life and order your loves? Does Scripture function authoritatively in your life, determining what you believe and directing your conduct?
The heart of this exhortation is the command in v. 3 to “[be] eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” But this passage doesn’t just call for unity. It describes how to maintain unity in the church. It identifies specific virtues that are evident in the lives of those saved by grace.
The Virtues of Unity
How do you maintain unity? By becoming the kind of person described by the virtues here in vv. 2–3:
“... walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:1–3).
There are seven virtues packed into two verses. Virtues are descriptions of the kind of person God calls you to be. And these virtues describe how to get along with people who are different or difficult.
What I want you to see here is that the immediate application coming out of the soaring doctrine and doxology of Ephesians 1–3—the application is horizontal and relational. Humility (v. 2) has to do with how you view yourself in relationship to others. Gentleness (v. 2) has to do with how you respond to and act toward others. The same is true for patience, forbearance, and love (v. 2). Unity and peace (v. 3) are only possible in community with other people.
Let’s consider each of those briefly.
1. Humility
That is the first virtue that marks the lives of those who have been saved by grace. We think of humility as a positive quality, but in the Graeco-Roman world, it was not. It described someone of low and insignificant status. One commentator says it “suggests degrading ‘humiliation ….’’” In a culture that prizes honor and power, that would be the worst thing.
But Jesus inverted that pyramid. He told his disciples, “You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all” (Mark 10:42–44). Jesus taught that and he lived it. No one has ever stooped lower than the Son of God, who left his glory in heaven to die a sinner’s death on earth (Phil 2:6–8).
Jesus redefines humility as a good and glorious virtue. It’s the opposite of sinful pride and arrogance. It’s not haughty or rude. It means counting others more significant than yourself (Phil 2:3), holding others in high regard.
Are you humble? Think specifically about your most significant relationships—roommates, husband or wife, children, and church family. Do you think of others as more important than yourself?
2. Gentleness
This word is translated as courtesy in Titus 3:2: “Speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.” Gentleness is the opposite of being harsh or rough, severe or violent. Rather, it’s controlled and courteous. Gentleness or courtesy is really just humility acted out relationally. The basic principle of courtesy is to treat others as more important than yourself.
How sad that we often think of courtesy, etiquette, and politeness as things to be shown to guests or to strangers in public, but not something to practice toward those closest to us. Some people think the closer you are relationally, the more “authentic” you can be, which they take to mean you can be brutally honest and even hurtful. But why would you use a harsh or severe tone of voice with your spouse or child, or with a brother or sister in Christ—that you would never use in front of your boss?
Would the people closest to you describe you as gentle? Are you gentle in your speech? Gentle in your attitudes and actions toward them?
3. Forbearance
Verse 2 contains a single command: “With patience to bear with one another in love.” The main point is to bear with one another, or the virtue of forbearance. The Greek word means “to patiently tolerate someone who is difficult or foolish.” Isn’t that great? Built into the definition is the assumption that you are dealing with someone difficult. And Paul assumes that the church is made up of people who have annoying weaknesses and faults.
In other contexts, this word can mean to “put up with” or “endure” (as in persecution). It means being long-suffering, overlooking offenses, and enduring inconveniences. It means not being reactive and easily offended by everyone else’s foibles and quirks. Is that you?
4. Patience
Bearing with others is to be done with patience. It’s one thing “to put up with” difficult or annoying people. It’s another to do so patiently, which is what God requires here.
To be patient means remaining unbothered and non-anxious in the presence of some provoking person. It means not being easily annoyed or quickly inconvenienced by others, but slow to anger like the Lord: “The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love” (Psalm 103:8).
Are you a patient person?
5. Love
Godly forbearance not only requires patience, but also love. Forbearance in love is about remaining present and maintaining the relationship. Forbearance is easy if you just ignore, tune out, or shut down. But forbearance in love is difficult.
How can you find the motivation to bear with difficult people? You will not find the motivation in them. That’s what makes them difficult.
This is central to the definition of biblical love: “Love is patient and kind; … it is not irritable or resentful …. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:4–5, 7).
6. Zeal
In v. 3, God calls you to be eager to maintain unity. To be eager is to be zealous. It could even be translated, “Take pains to maintain unity.” The opposite would be indifference, being apathetic, checked out, passive, or lazy. This calls for an earnest desire and wholeheartedly commitment to restoring fellowship and preserving your relationship—whether that’s when you have sinned against another or someone else has sinned against you.
Don’t miss this! Unity requires maintenance, just like a house. Just like a home, relationships break down through neglect, but unity is maintained with effort. Is this your disposition relationally?
7. Peace
In v. 3 we are instructed to be “eager to maintain unity … in the bond of peace.” A bond is a fastener that joins separate things together. In the church, peace is the fastener. “For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility …” (Ephesians 2:14). Peace is a state of harmony, the absence of hostility. To be at peace relationally is to be in fellowship with one another.
Are you eager to restore peace when conflicts arise? Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God” (Matthew 5:9).
Are any of those virtues noticeably missing in your life? Engage your sanctified imagination to envision … What would it look like—the next time someone rubs you the wrong way—if you responded with humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance, love, and a godly zeal to restore fellowship and peace?
That is what God calls you to. Are other people in the church stubborn, unkind, cliquish, and rude? God calls you to walk in humility, gentleness, patience, and forbearance, eager to maintain unity.
Is your spouse inconsiderate, cold, or unloving? God calls you to walk in humility, gentleness, patience, and forbearance, eager to maintain unity. The way you relate to others either strengthens or weakens the unity of the church.
And don’t you want unity and peace in your relationships? Think how unpleasant it is when there is conflict and discord. Or better yet, think how sweet it is when there is peace in your home, peace in the church—when you are united in fellowship with those around you.
The Basis for Unity
But how do you acquire these virtues? Certainly we have all failed to exhibit these virtues perfectly. And you are well aware of the gap that exists between wanting to be a more humble, gentle, or patient person … and actually being such a person in real life. If it was as simple as wishing you were more like that, it would be easy.
At the same time, you do bear personal responsibility for your conduct. Otherwise Paul wouldn’t issue a command to walk in such a manner. The command itself implies that you are responsible for your conduct.
So how do you do that? Thankfully, God’s Word always provides God’s grace to empower obedience to God’s commands through faith.
Pay attention to the structure and logic of the text. Verses 2–3 contain commands: walk in a worthy manner; bear with one another; maintain unity. Verses 2–3 describe such a life in terms of specific virtues—humility, gentleness, patience, love, and peace.
But those exhortations are bookended by foundational doctrinal truths to believe (vv. 1, 4–6). And when you consciously trust and treasure those truths, God will graciously produce these virtues in you. You see, gospel doctrine produces gospel community.
Verse 1 begins, “I therefore … urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called.” The word therefore does a lot of work here! It directly ties the command to maintain unity to the reality at the end of chapter 3—that God is building his people into his new covenant temple, which he fills with his presence. But more than that, it shows that all of the conduct Paul calls for here and in the rest of the letter grows out of the doctrine in all of Ephesians 1–3. Therefore serves as the bridge from who God is and what God has done (1–3) to who we are and how we are to live (4–6).
This connection is further established when Paul says “to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called” (4:1). What does that mean?
Paul uses a similar phrase in Philippians 1:27: “Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ.” A misreading would take this to mean something like, “Do your best to be worthy or deserving of God’s grace.” Or, “Don’t make God regret saving you!” But that’s not what this means. The exhortation is not to try your hardest to be good enough. The exhortation is to live out the implications of the gospel. It’s not a matter of earning your calling by your conduct. It’s a matter of conforming your conduct to your calling.
Galatians 2 sheds light on Paul’s logic. Paul tells how Peter had been eating with Gentiles until certain Jews came to town. Then “he drew back and separated himself” out of fear (Gal 2:12). So Paul confronted Peter because, in his own words, “I saw that their conduct was not in step with the truth of the gospel” (Galatians 2:14).
The gospel is the good news that Christ died for our sins and rose from the dead. You are not saved by your conduct. But your conduct is either in step or out of step with the truth of the gospel. In other words, the gospel has implications for your behavior.
So the way to cultivate and acquire these virtues is to trust and treasure the gospel. Be humbled by the fact God chose you in Christ before the foundation of the world. You find the grace to patiently bear with others when you recall that you were once dead in your sins, but God made you alive with Christ and saved you by grace (Eph 2:1–5). Your zeal to maintain unity will rise when you remember that God has joined our lives together, building us into the temple filled with God’s presence. Do you see how gospel doctrine produces gospel community?
The exhortation also ends with specific doctrinal realities to motivate you: “There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.” (Ephesians 4:4–6). There are no imperatives (or commands) here, only indicatives (statements of fact).
Notice the trinitarian focus of vv. 4–6: one Spirit (v. 4), one Lord—that’s Christ Jesus (v. 5)—and one Father (v. 6). The oneness of God is the reality that should motivate you to maintain unity with each other. When we say that God is one (Deut 6:4), we mean that there is only one God (singular); there are no other gods before him (Isa 46:9). But we also mean that God is a unity. The one true God eternally exists as three persons united in one God. He is the Triune God—three in one. Unity and diversity. The very nature of God is reflected in his church.
“There is one body and one Spirit” (v. 4). An individual person is made up of one body and one spirit. Likewise, the church is a single body, the body of Christ (v. 12). And Christ’s body has one Spirit, the very Spirit of God.
This is why Paul calls our unity “the unity of the Spirit” (v. 3). What gives unity to the diverse parts of the body is that they each belong to one body, filled by one Spirit. The unity of the church is not an ideal that we are laboring toward. It’s a reality into which you were saved, joined to Christ and to each other. You are simply called to maintain that unity (v. 3).
Our unity is also grounded in our shared doctrinal convictions. “Just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call—one Lord, one faith, one baptism” (vv. 4–5). This does not affirm universalism—the idea that all faiths are essentially the same.
Scripture could not be more clear: There is only one true faith, one saving faith. “And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved” (Acts 4:12).
This is exactly the kind of exclusive truth claim that is rejected in the modern world. Coming out of the World Wars, the consensus has been that strong loves and loyalties are dangerous, that dogmatic religious belief is a threat to peace and unity. So the remedy, it’s thought, is to break down all convictions and norms and standards. Instead, everyone should be open-minded and tolerant. All religions, all cultures, all views, all lifestyles are equally valid.
Basically, the way to unify everyone is to rally around a big banner that says, “UNITY.” But that project is collapsing before our eyes. It turns out that when you remove strong commitments that bind people together, you don’t get more unity, you get disintegration and collapse.
Instead, Scripture's approach to unity is to wave a banner with objective and exclusive truth claims: “One Lord, one faith, one baptism.” That is offensive to everyone with a “COEXIST” bumper sticker. But it’s the only way to produce true unity—where diverse people are united by strong allegiance to the Savior who died for sinners.
Just as the oneness of the church is rooted in the oneness of the Spirit and the exclusivity of the Son, our unity is also anchored in the oneness of the Father: “One God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all” (v. 6). The Father is the one from whom the whole family, the whole church in heaven and on earth is named (3:14–15). This is not a statement about all people on earth. God is the Creator of all people, but not all people belong to him as his children. In Ephesians 2:3, Paul said that we “were by nature children of wrath.”
God is the Father of all who belong to Christ through faith—all who are in the church. In context, all refers to Jew and Gentile. The church is united, not because everyone in the church is the same, but because everyone in the church belongs to God. And God is over the church, and moving through the church, and filling the church as his temple on earth.
Conclusion
Gospel doctrine produces gospel community. So do this: pick one virtue from this passage that you want to cultivate. Then pick a passage from Ephesians 1–3 to meditate on that will motivate you to grow in that virtue. And then put the glorious truth of who God is and what God has done on display in the way you live and relate to others, for God’s glory and for your joy.