Dealing with Differences Pt 2 | Romans 14:13–23
Friendly Fire
According to the History Channel’s website:
“Patrick Daniel Tillman was born the oldest of three brothers on November 6, 1976, in San Jose, California. He played linebacker for Arizona State University …. In 1998, Tillman was drafted by the Arizona Cardinals. He became the team’s starting safety as well as one of its most popular players. In 2000, he broke the team record for tackles with 224. In May 2002, Tillman turned down a three-year, multi-million-dollar deal with the Cardinals and instead, prompted by the events of 9/11, joined the Army along with his brother Kevin, a minor-league baseball player. The Tillman brothers were assigned to the 75th Ranger Regiment in Fort Lewis, Washington, and did tours in Iraq in 2003, followed by Afghanistan the next year.”
“On April 22, 2004, Pat Tillman was killed by gunfire while on patrol in a rugged area of eastern Afghanistan. The Army initially maintained that Tillman and his unit were ambushed by enemy forces. Tillman was praised as a national hero, awarded the Silver Star and Purple Heart medals and posthumously promoted to corporal. Weeks later, Tillman’s family learned his death had been accidental.”
Pat Tillman was not killed by enemy forces. He was killed by friendly fire.
There are many tragedies in war, but there is something about friendly fire tragedies that is especially difficult to accept.
The very real, very deadly possibility of friendly fire in the church is what Paul addresses and guards against in Romans 14:13–23.
Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats. It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble. The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.
—Romans 14:13–23
Joyful Unity
As we saw last week, Romans 14 addresses the way Christians deal with differences of views and practices that are not morally wrong in and of themselves. The particular issue at the heart of the controversy in Rome had to do with food. Some believers—most likely Jewish Christians who genuinely desired to honor the Lord by following Old Testament dietary restrictions—still believed it was wrong to eat meat. Others—the ‘strong’—rightly believed that they were free to eat any food, and so they did, with great gratitude to God.
So far, so good.
The problem was that the weak were sinning against the strong by unjustly condemning their behavior, while the strong were sinning against the weak by looking down on them. So the main point in verses 1–12 (last week’s text) was stop judging one another.
That rebuke was mainly directed at the weak. But here, in verse 13, Paul sums up that point and then shifts his attention to ‘the strong’: “Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother” (Romans 14:13).
A stumbling block was literally something that caused someone to trip, and a hindrance was a trap for catching something. Both words took on the figurative sense of causing someone to trip and fall morally, causing someone’s spiritual downfall. Six times in this passage Paul warns Christians not to cause other believers to stumble, not to destroy one another, not to grieve one another.
So the stakes are really high. We’re not just talking about meat and vegetables; we’re talking about the potential spiritual downfall of people in the church over the issue of food.
How you deal with seemingly trivial differences is not trivial at all. The way Christians relate to each other in everyday life has serious consequences. You will either build others up in their faith and strengthen the unity of the church, or cause the spiritual downfall of others and weaken the church.
This is sobering! As if the opposition, the hostility, and the persecution coming from outside the church wasn’t enough, Christians can do great damage to one another through friendly fire, over things as commonplace as food nonetheless!
Just think about your own life. Odds are that some of your deepest hurts have come, not from atheists and skeptics, but from fellow Christians.
Right in the middle of the passage (v. 19), is the positive and emphatic conclusion: “So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding” (Romans 14:19).
Gospel community is marked by saints who joyfully cultivate unity rather than arrogantly insisting on uniformity.
We desperately need this text. How many times have you heard it said recently that we live in a polarized society? Every issue is a hill to die on. And the intensity is cranked to 11.
We need the wisdom of God revealed here to inform our conduct and our community. We need the grace of God communicated here to empower our love and unity.
Let me remind you where this is going: “May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Romans 15:5–6).
A Stumbling Block
So what does it mean to “put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother” (v. 13)? That is the sin to avoid. What does it mean to “cause your brother to stumble” (vv. 20, 21)?
I think that this text has been widely misunderstood and misapplied. It is common to hear this passage cited in regards to different views of alcohol. Say some Christians feel free to enjoy a glass of wine or a beer together, but a brother who doesn’t drink beer is coming to the barbecue. Maybe he has a history of over-indulging. Someone might say, “We don’t want to cause so-and-so to stumble, so maybe we shouldn’t have any beer there.” In this sense, the principle in Romans 14 is taken to mean something like, “Don’t do things other Christians disagree with, at least not in front of them, because that might offend them, which would be unloving.”
But that’s not what Romans 14 teaches.
For one thing, avoiding everything that anyone else disagrees with is impossible. For example, some Christians are convinced they should boycott Target. Does Romans 14 mean it would be unloving for you to shop at Target, since that might “grieve” your sister who is boycotting Target? Or is it okay, so long as you sneak in? But what if she overhears that you bought that flower pot at Target and her blood pressure rises?
Or consider the COVID situation: Was wearing a mask the loving thing to do because some Christians were offended if you didn't? Or was it loving not to wear a mask since some took offense if you did?
If the principle taught here is that you are duty-bound not to hurt the feelings of others, whose feelings are we talking about? Someone will always take offense.
I am convinced the point of Romans 14 is not that love obligates Christians to tiptoe around the feelings of those who are easily offended. Paul just rebuked the weak in 14:1–12 for passing judgment on the strong. It would make no sense for him to turn around and make their sinful judgment and unwarranted offense the standard by which the strong are judged.
Rather, what it teaches is that Christians are obligated to respect one another’s convictions without pressuring others to violate their own consciences. This is what it means to cause someone else to stumble in verse 14: “I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean.”
This suggests that the problem was not that the strong ate steak, or even that they ate steak around vegetarians. The sin was pressuring or even requiring the weak to violate their own consciences. Perhaps the strong majority made meat the only menu option at their shared meals.
Causing a brother to stumble or putting a hindrance in his way is far more serious than doing something that makes someone click his tongue in disapproval. In the conclusion, Paul says, “But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin” (Romans 14:23). Eating may not have been a big deal to the strong, but it really was sin for the weak. That’s why Paul speaks of it in terms of stumbling or spiritual downfall, spiritual destruction.
So what does God reveal here to keep us from taking each other out? What can we learn about how to pursue peace and live in love?
The ‘strong’ were right that all food is clean. But their lives were all wrong because they didn’t know more important things about conscience and community. And that made them a dangerous threat to the church.
This text is meant to inform you so that you will build one another up in Christ Jesus.
To that end, here are 3 principles for pursuing peace: 1) the priority of conscience, 2) the work of Christ, 3) the culture of the Kingdom
1. The Priority of Conscience
Right off the bat, Paul affirms that the ‘strong’ are technically right about food. “I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself” (v. 14). Paul agrees. He agrees because this is what the Lord Jesus himself taught.
And this is an important point, especially for the weak. History teaches us that humans often try to be more holy than God. The trap of legalism is to be more restrictive than God is, setting up rules and requirements where God has not given prohibitions. So God forbids drunkenness, and someone concludes it’s a sin to drink alcohol.
But nothing is unclean in itself. A great temptation is to mis-locate sin in the stuff God made rather than in our own sinful hearts. It’s tempting to think food is the problem, or smartphones or social media or fill in the blank. But everything God made was good. And it’s to be received with thanksgiving.
However, there is always more to consider than the stuff.
Paul goes on: “But it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean” (Romans 14:14b). In addition to the stuff, we must factor in the person using the stuff. Paul informs the strong that it really is wrong for someone to violate his or her conscience.
When your conscience is free and your position is right, it’s easy to look down on someone with a restricted conscience and think, “It’s just food! Get over it!” But when it comes to issues that are not wrong in themselves, it's never “just food.” It’s never “just a mask” or “just a vaccine” or “just anything.” We're talking about people—people with consciences; people with souls that can stumble and be destroyed.
According to Romans 14, the conscience of each individual matters. This does not mean your conscience is infallible or 100% reliable. It does not mean everyone’s conscience is well-informed. “Conscience” is not synonymous with the voice of the Holy Spirit. But … your conscience matters. And so does your brother’s. And your sister’s too.
It really is wrong to do something you think is wrong, even if you’re wrong.
How can that be? Paul explains in v. 23: “But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.” Whether or not you are sinning is determined by whether you are acting from faith.
So what does it mean to eat “from faith”—or to do anything “from faith”? It means that your convictions on the issue are informed by your faith in Christ. It means that you acknowledge God and give thanks to him in your eating. “The one who eats, eats in honor of the Lord, since he gives thanks to God” (14:6).
Nothing is neutral—not even food—because people are not neutral. You either acknowledge Jesus as Lord and thank him, or you reject and dishonor him. And you do that in the everyday stuff of life: when you eat, when you work, etc.
In v. 22, Paul says, “The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God” (Romans 14:22). This doesn’t mean that the strong have to eat meat in secret. It means that just because you are convinced all food is clean doesn’t mean the next item on your to-do list should be to launch a campaign to convince others.
We are especially prone to harming others with our views when we first learn something. That initial enthusiasm can distort all sense of proportion. Your new insight seems like the most important thing in the world to you, which means it must be the most important thing everyone else needs to know. It’s like Abraham Kaplan said: “Give a small boy a hammer, and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.”
Back in 14:5, Paul said, “Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.” But as soon as you’re convinced, it’s easy to think, “I have to convince everyone!” Not so fast! Conscience matters. And it’s more important to respect your brother’ conscience than to recruit him.
2. The Work of Christ
The ‘strong’ were right that all food is clean, but they were uninformed about the importance of conscience. They were also misguided about the work of Christ. Paul corrects that:
“By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died” (v. 15).
“Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God” (Romans 14:20).
Both sides of the debate were focused on the topic of debate: food. Paul re-framed everything in terms of the person on the other side of the debate. And it would be impossible for anyone to put a higher value on your fellow Christians. He refers to the weaker brother as the one for whom Christ died and the work of God. Those two truths go together: Christ died for your brother to build up your brother.
When Paul thought of people, he thought of them as the work of God:
“For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” (Philippians 2:13).
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works” (Ephesians 2:10).
“He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6).
What is God doing in the world? Building up these people for whom Christ died.
Is that the lens through which you view others—including those with whom you disagree on matters that are not wrong in themselves? Look around you! These people are the work of God—a work that required the death of the infinitely glorious Son of God. That truth should shape your conduct as you live in community with other believers.
The question is never, “How can I get more of these people to please me?” The question is always, “What is God’s agenda for the people around me?” No one has the right to walk onto someone else’s job site and start digging new foundations or knocking down walls.
Paul soberly warns not to think your agenda for others is more important than God’s. Look at how he turns up the contrast between food and your brother:
“If your brother is grieved by what you eat” (v. 15)
“By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died” (v. 15)
“Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God” (v. 20).
“It is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats” (v. 20)
Those who were willing to destroy the very work of God for the sake of food probably thought they were doing the work of God. But Christians who dunk on each other should be lamenting, not celebrating. You’re not scoring points for your team. You’re scoring points on your team.
To avoid causing spiritual damage to others, you have to know what God values and what God is up to.
Here’s where you start. For whom did God give his Son to die?
3. The Culture of the Kingdom
Now look at the heart of the passage in vv. 16–19: “So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.” (Romans 14:16–19).
When Pauls says, “Do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil,” he doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t hold any practices or convictions that others disagree with. That would be impossible. Besides, Paul himself had many opponents who spoke evil of him and of the gospel he preached. It means you should not be such a jerk that you give your position a bad name.
Your position might be right, but your conduct can be all wrong.
Some people have a perception that Calvinists are cranky and argumentative. And why? Because the ones they’ve met have been so cranky and argumentative, unlike the “doctrines of grace” they espouse. Their conduct contradicts and undermines their doctrine.
Don’t do that! Don’t be like that!
And why not? “For [because] the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit” (v. 17).
Different cultures have distinct features and characteristics—Scottish kilts, tacos and tamales in Mexico, or Dutch wooden shoes. What is the culture of the Kingdom of God known for? It’s not primarily defined by uniformity of cuisine or appearance. Citizens of the Kingdom are to be known for their righteousness and joy and peace.
In verse 15, Paul’s concern is that the strong are “walking in love.” In verse 19, the concluding exhortation is, “So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.” In verse 23, the point is that everything must proceed from faith.
Whether the debate is over which diet to follow or which holidays to observe, Paul reminds Christians that their priority should be faith and love, joy and peace. This is essentially an application of the wisdom revealed in Proverbs: “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it.” (Prov. 15:17). It really would be better to eat only vegetables at a table where everyone is in fellowship than to feast on brisket and ribs while being out of fellowship due to sin.
Then Paul says, “Whoever thus [i.e., in this manner] serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men” (Romans 14:18). Instead of trying to change others to be like you, your concern should be pleasing God in the way you relate to your brother (who is wrong). Give your time and energy to becoming a more joyful, content, and loving person.
Not only does that please God, but Paul says that will win the respect of others. They might still disagree with your diet, but they can’t disagree with your gracious and generous demeanor.
And where do these virtues come from? Verse 17 speaks of “... righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” These are supernatural traits. It doesn’t require the Spirit of God to like people who are like you. It does take supernatural power to live in joyful peace with people who are not like you.
To the degree that we walk in the Spirit together, the distinct culture of the Kingdom of God is discernibly manifested among us. Let’s pray for and pursue that together.
Conclusion
Friendly fire from Christians is a real and sobering possibility. But loved ones, we have reason to live in community with one another without fear. Christ died for you, to make you a people marked by vibrant love, joy, peace, humility, and kindness, not partisan animosity and petty rivalry.
By God’s grace, it is possible for you to avoid tearing others down and causing others to stumble.
By God’s grace, you can invest your life in building one another up in the Lord, in building a distinct Kingdom culture that displays God’s grace to the world.
May it be so, for your good and for the glory of God!