13 Theses on Winsomeness
This long-form article was collaborated on by Ryan Chase, Logan Thune, and Matt Groen.
Introduction
One of the most popular advertising strategies is to show really happy, really good-looking people enjoying a product. The implication is that you too can be this happy and fit in with these people if you use this product.
Some Christians think of evangelism that way. If we can convince the world that we are cool and nice and normal, they will come to Jesus. But that can set us up for disappointment when—no matter how nice we try to be—people still reject the gospel.
So what role does our winsomeness play in our witness? The dictionary defines “winsome” as an adjective that means “attractive or appealing in appearance or character.” Thinking biblically about winsomeness and witness is important. It will shape our expectations and help us persevere in the face of hostile persecution. It will also protect us from placing our hope in our own niceness rather than in the gospel as God’s power to save. To that end, here are thirteen theses on winsomeness.
1. Good works and godly character adorn the gospel.
The gospel is good news. It is a message we proclaim to the world—that Christ died for our sins (1 Corinthians 15:3). Verbal witness is essential. “How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching?” (Romans 10:14).
But the message of the gospel is made compelling and beautiful when our own lives are exhibits of God’s power and grace. The message we preach should be consistent with the lives we live.
“Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 5:16, emphasis added; cf. Philippians 2:14–15).
In Titus 2, Paul addressed the conduct of slaves: “Bondservants are to be submissive to their own masters in everything; they are to be well-pleasing, not argumentative, not pilfering, but showing all good faith, so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior.” (Titus 2:9–10). The conduct of Christians matters because our conduct adorns the doctrine of God our Savior.
2. Conversion is the result of God’s power, not our persuasiveness.
As important as our role is in evangelism and witness is, salvation is a miraculous work of God.
“For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes” (Romans 1:16).
It is tempting to believe that we could win more people if only we were more loving, fun, or cool. But conversion—new birth, repentance, and faith—is a supernatural work of God. It’s not just about making Jesus look cool so more people click the “like” button. Conversion is about dead hearts coming alive by God’s power.
Paul wrote,
“And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God” (1 Corinthians 2:1–5, emphasis added).
As others have said, “What you win them with is what you win them to.” If we win people over with our own personality, we have to keep that up to keep them around. We want to win people by the power of the Spirit so that they stay by the power of the Spirit.
3. Our manner must be consistent with our message.
We have been entrusted with the ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18) and the message of God’s salvation (Acts 13:26). The gospel is good news after all. We should speak and act like it. It makes no sense to angrily shout, “God is love!” But neither does it make sense to treat sin as something trivial. Since our message is the gospel of grace, we should be gracious people in all we say and do. Since we have the privilege of offering the mercy of God to sinners, we should be merciful people who are quick to forgive. In short, the fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control—should be evident in our lives and in our witness.
4. We are obligated to love others, including our enemies.
As Christians, we have many enemies. It may feel uncomfortable to admit, but the Bible is honest about this fact. Jesus said, “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you” (Luke 6:27–28).
According to Jesus, your enemies are those who hate you, curse you, or abuse you. To call people enemies is to describe their enmity and animosity toward us. It does not describe our disposition toward them. Since we are commanded to love them and do good to them, we are not their enemies. As Romans 12:18 says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” But we must not be naive about the fact that the world is full of people who are resolved to oppose the gospel and to harm Christians. “For many, of whom I have often told you and now tell you even with tears, walk as enemies of the cross of Christ.” (Philippians 3:18).
So what does it mean to love our enemies? It includes doing good, blessing, and praying for the very ones who are hating, cursing, and abusing you (Luke 6:27–28). It looks like treating our enemies as God commands us to treat them, since “love is the fulfilling of the law” (Romans. 13:10).
Love is defined objectively by God in his Word. Whether or not we are acting in love is defined by God’s law, not by the prevailing norms of society. Love has nothing to do with how we make other people feel and everything to do with treating others lawfully from the heart.
5. Loving others is no guarantee that they will accept the gospel, and may even make them hate us more.
Right after Jesus said, “Blessed are the meek, … the merciful, … [and] the peacemakers” (Matthew 5:5, 7, 9), he said, “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you” (Matthew 5:11–12, emphasis added).
It is possible to act in truly loving ways that make people angry. Jesus taught us not to be surprised when people hate us. It does not matter how loving, kind, gentle, and meek we are—some will still hate us on account of Jesus.
In John 15:17, Jesus said, “These things I command you, so that you will love one another” (John 15:17). In the very next verse he said, “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. … If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you” (John 15:18–20, emphasis added).
Paul taught that we must not be overcome by evil, but we are to overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21). But when we do that effectively, it might really tick some people off. “To the contrary, ‘if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head’” (Romans 12:20). Showing kindness to your enemy is the right thing to do, even though it feels to him like you dumped the contents of your charcoal grill on his head.
6. The Gospel always has an effect: either it softens hearts or it hardens them.
No one responds to the gospel in a completely neutral way—either you love it or you hate it. Just like the characters who respond to the voice of Aslan at the creation of Narnia, there will always be Uncle Andrews who despise the gospel and there will always be cabby drivers who say with great affection, “Ain’t it lovely?”
In 2 Corinthians 2:14-17, Paul declares,
But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things? For we are not, like so many, peddlers of God’s word, but as men of sincerity, as commissioned by God, in the sight of God we speak in Christ.”
The scent of the gospel has a winnowing effect, and those who smell it cannot remain where they are. Likewise, as Isaiah prophesied, there will be those with heavy ears and blind eyes who, “Keep on hearing, but do not understand; keep on seeing, but do not perceive” (Isaiah 6:9b). And there will be those who receive the seed of the word with soft hearts, and who will grow from faith to faith and from life to life and from glory to glory (cf. Romans 1:17; 2 Corin. 3:18).
The messenger of the gospel is to announce the news of the victory at D-Day (to use Cullmann’s analogy) and to recognize that for some it will be received as good news and for others it will sound like death, depending on whose team they are on.
7. The Gospel is offensive, and it is wrong to take the offense out of it.
Paul frequently speaks of the gospel message as a deposit that was entrusted to him (1 Tim. 1:11, 6:20; 2 Tim. 2:2; Titus 1:3; 1 Thess. 2:4). The Greek word parathēkē was a legal term for “property entrusted to another” (BDAG). It is a transfer of responsibility, not ownership. Such property still belongs to the owner, but it is entrusted to a steward for safekeeping. Think of a deposit in a bank. The money is yours, but you put it in the bank for safekeeping.
As a steward, Paul knew that he had no right to add to, subtract from, or in any way alter the message he had received.
“This is how one should regard us, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found faithful.” (1 Corinthians 4:1–2).
Because the message of the cross is offensive to so many, one solution would be to soften the message in order to avoid persecution or rejection. But this is something Paul never dared to do.
“But if I, brothers, still preach circumcision, why am I still being persecuted? In that case the offense of the cross has been removed.” (Galatians 5:11).
When we speak of Christ, we face a decision: will we speak to please people or to please God? Since God is the one who has entrusted the gospel to us, we must be faithful to God.
“For our appeal does not spring from error or impurity or any attempt to deceive, but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.” (1 Thessalonians 2:3–4).
8. The Gospel is offensive, but that does not give us permission to be intentionally or unnecessarily offensive in our manner.
It’s been said that a gentleman is a man who never gives offense unintentionally. While there are times when offense is appropriate and necessary (Matthew 15:12)—and, therefore, we should be intentional about it (like a good gentleman)—there are also times when we need to be wise and discerning so as not to give unnecessary offense.
Paul says that his message carried with it “the offense of the cross” and that he was persecuted for its sake (Gal. 5:11). It would have been wrong for Paul to remove that offense. Elsewhere he says,
“We preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to the Jews and folly to Gentiles” (1 Corinthians 1:23).
To the Gentiles, the cross was a humble pie that was too big to swallow, and to the Jews, it was the wicket gate that they refused to enter. The gospel offended the Gentiles’ pride and the Jews’ tradition, but it was the only way that they could be saved.
Yet, both Peter and Paul understand that the offensiveness of the cross is what keeps some people from accepting the gospel (Romans 9:33; 1 Peter 2:8); it is not a lack of niceness exhibited by the herald. And just as the teeth of a saw cut the wood, so the offense of the gospel is what cuts to the heart of man.
However, this does not give us an excuse to be unnecessarily careless, unkind, or offensive in our manner of speaking. We should not be getting in the way of the offense of the cross. Paul reminds his protege Timothy that “the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil (2 Tim. 2:24, emphasis added).
And as we relate to others, we should be reminded that it is God’s kindness that is meant to lead us to repentance (cf. Romans 2:4), even if that kindness sometimes feels like rubbing alcohol in a dirty wound.
9. Hard truths require hard words spoken with humble hearts.
It is impossible to faithfully share the gospel without talking about hard truths like the evil of sin, the justice of God’s wrath, and the reality of eternal conscious torment in hell. These truths are not the gospel, but they are essential to the gospel, because without the bad news, the good news of Jesus’ death for our sins will not make sense. Therefore, winsome witness requires courage to say hard things.
When sin, lies, and idols are named, exposed, and sometimes mocked (1 Kings 18:27), we need to determine if we are more offended that the actual sin persists in our world or if we are more offended that the sin was directly confronted.
We must also keep in mind that those who courageously confront these sins, lies, and idols must do so in a spiritual way, with all humility and gentleness (Eph. 4:2; Gal. 6:1).
10. Different people need to hear different things.
Paul urged Timothy, “Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching” (2 Timothy 4:2). Sometimes a sober warning is needed, sometimes a stern rebuke. Other situations call for a gentle encouragement, an authoritative command, or an earnest appeal.
“And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all” (1 Thessalonians 5:14).
This calls for wisdom and discernment. When we speak the truth in love, we’re not to speak in monotone. We embody the message by speaking with the appropriate urgency, passion, care, or concern that the situation calls for.
And the truth itself is winsome when it comes from a friend, even if it hurts.
“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy” (Proverbs 27:6).
This means we must maintain a distinction between those who are suffering from evil and those who are advocating for evil. There are sheep and there are wolves. There are perpetrators and victims. It is possible to treat suffering people with tenderness and to treat proponents of evil with firm resolve. To the harassed sheep, a winsome shepherd is the one who protects them from the wolves, not the one who scolds the sheep for being mean to the wolves who are trying to eat them.
11. Respectability can be an idol.
On one hand, it is important to have a good reputation. This is a requirement for elders in the church (1 Timothy 3:7). All Christians are to live godly lives marked by gentleness and respect, and one of the results will be that when we are slandered, it should be obvious that the ones doing the slandering are making fools of themselves (1 Peter 3:15–6).
On the other hand, we must not idolize acceptance and respectability.
“Woe to you, when all people speak well of you, for so their fathers did to the false prophets” (Luke 6:26).
Idolizing acceptance and respectability is what false teachers do. When people crave the respect and esteem of the world more than the approval of God, they will compromise the message of the gospel to get what they want.
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10).
Throughout history, there has never been a shortage of people willing to turn a profit as false teachers and false prophets who give the people what they want (2 Tim. 4:3–4). False prophets like Hananiah in Jeremiah 28 and Zedekiah the son of Chenaanah in 2 Chronicles 18 are examples to avoid. One mark of false prophets is that they are always telling people exactly what they want to hear and assuring them that God is perfectly willing to bless them with peace and joy while they carry on in their rebellious ways (Ezekiel 13:10, 16; Jeremiah 6:14; Micah 3:5; Jeremiah 23:17).
12. The further we descend into moral insanity, the more (and less) winsome the truth will sound.
Each age and culture has its own set of acceptable values, customs, and rules (i.e., Overton Window), and our context is no different. All you need to do is poke your periscope out above the cultural waters to notice that Christianity is no longer in vogue like it might have been in the past. The current tide has created a significant distance between the morality of traditional Christianity and the morality of the rest of our society. But we need to consider who moved and what changed. Just because we no longer find ourselves among the respectable classes does not mean that we have drifted. And when we get outside of what Lewis called the “cataract of nonsense” that pours forth from the press of our own day, we can see that the common sense of the past has now become today’s taboo.
Further, while the message of the cross might sound even more crazy and offensive to some, it will also stand out more brightly to others (cf. Romans 1:16). There are many non-Christians in the world today who see the insanity of transgender ideology and radical DEI agendas. When Christians have the courage to speak the truth, that truth will resonate in their hearts.
In our winsomeness, we must recognize that the truth does not change. The Apostle Peter tells us, “The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever” (1 Peter 2:22 ff.). Our winsomeness must keep this in mind.
13. Jesus is our perfect example.
Jesus trusted and obeyed the Father perfectly throughout his entire life. This means that Jesus perfectly fulfilled the law. And since love fulfills the law (Romans 13:8–10), that means Jesus perfectly loved everyone he ever met. While Jesus is more than merely a good example, he is the perfect example of what it means to love God and to love others.
When we read the eyewitness accounts of Jesus’ ministry in the Gospels, we see that Jesus dealt with different people in different ways. Jesus was merciful (Matthew 9:2) and compassionate (Matthew 9:36). He could be stern when necessary (Matthew 9:30), and yet “a bruised reed he will not break, and smoldering wick he will not quench” (Matthew 12:20). He spoke often in parables and was skilled in satire (e.g., Matthew 7:1–6; 19:23–24) and polemics (e.g., Matthew 23). He taught with authority (Matthew 7:29), and sometimes his teaching hurt peoples’ feelings (Matthew 15:12). But everything he did was lawful and loving.
Shockingly, the most loving, humble, gentle, winsome person to ever walk the earth was fiercely hated, violently opposed, and unjustly crucified. So we know from Jesus’ example that loving others does not guarantee they will accept us or our message.
But Jesus’ example does show us how to graciously endure suffering as disciples. Peter says it like this:
“But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed” (1 Peter 2:20–24, emphasis added).