Gavin & Hannah
The following is the wedding meditation given by Pastor Ryan Chase at the wedding of Gavin and Hannah De Haai, members of Emmaus Road Church, on Saturday, October 14.
Ecclesiastes 3:1–14; 4:9–12
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: 2 a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; 3 a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7 a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8 a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace. 9 What gain has the worker from his toil? 10 I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. 12 I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; 13 also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God’s gift to man. 14 I perceived that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it. God has done it, so that people fear before him.”
—Ecclesiastes 3:1–14
“Again, I saw vanity under the sun: 8 one person who has no other, either son or brother, yet there is no end to all his toil, and his eyes are never satisfied with riches, so that he never asks, “For whom am I toiling and depriving myself of pleasure?” This also is vanity and an unhappy business. 9 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 11 Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? 12 And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
—Ecclesiastes 4:7–12
Introduction
Bob and Sharon had been married for 25 years. Sharon knew Bob was a man of few words. Nevertheless, she finally asked him one day, “Bob, why don't you ever tell me you love me?” Bob replied, “I told you I love you when we got married. If anything changes, I'll let you know.”
If anything changes!
Life is full of changes. And genuine love never remains in the heart or the head. Love is communicated and demonstrated through the changing seasons of life. This is why your marriage will be established upon vows that cover every possible future event. You will vow to give your exclusive love to each other “from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, … as long as [you] both shall live.”
But how can you do that? How can you promise unchanging faithfulness when you don’t know the future? Every couple on their wedding day anticipates the better, the richer, the health. But what happens as you change? What if your spouse changes? What if your spouse changes for the worse? Lord willing, there are unbelievably good times ahead for you two. But there will inevitably be unexpected hard times as well.
The only way you can make and keep wedding vows is by faith in God. And this text in Ecclesiastes is meant to strengthen your faith in God. The way to keep your vows for better and for worse is by trusting that God holds your future and that God holds you together. Those are my two points for you from Ecclesiastes today.
God Holds Your Future
The main point of Ecclesiastes 3:1–14 is that all of life comes to you, not by your own choosing, and not by random chance, but by God’s sovereign hand. “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1).
Gavin and Hannah, the two of you are both driven, organized, high-achieving people. You’re good at goals and plans and schedules and lists. You get stuff done.
But in God’s wisdom, he has not given you a calendar revealing the seasons of life. Ecclesiastes 3 doesn’t tell you what time it is now, or what to expect next. It tells you something better. It tells you that whatever time it is, God is the one directing and ordaining it. Accepting that by faith is essential to keeping your marriage vows.
Verse 11 says that it is God who has made everything beautiful in its time. Verse 14 says, “Whatever God does endures forever …. God has done it.”
Birth and death are in God’s hands (v. 2). Which of us chose when we would be born or to whom? And every one of us passes the anniversary of our death without knowing it. But God knows, and God rules over these things.
God rules over gain and loss (v. 6). The markets soar and some make a killing. Then they crash and some take a loss. You can work hard and plan wisely and diversify, but you do not control these things. God does.
Both of you have lived long enough to experience great joy and terrible pain (v. 4). Whether your pain came from your own sin or the sins of others against you, God’s mercy and grace has abounded. You have laughed together at times and wept together at other times. Those times are from the Lord. Looking back, you know that God is the One who saw you through it all. Now, as you stand at this altar facing the future, you can know by faith that God will always be enough.
Because God is sovereign over everything, you can even rejoice when you face conflict in your relationship. There is “a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; … a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace” (vv. 5, 7–8). Of course, this is no excuse for your sin, and you must never rejoice in sin itself. But you can take great comfort in knowing that God graciously intends to use your own failings and your spouse's faults to sanctify you.
There is a great mystery in all of this. As v. 11 says: God works in such a way that humans “cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.” The English writer Evelyn Underhill said it well: “If God were small enough to be understood, he wouldn’t be big enough to be worshipped.”
But you can worship him and trust him because God is good. “He has made everything beautiful in its time” (v. 11). Think of a woven tapestry: from the back, it looks like a tangled mess, but from the front, there is an artistic masterpiece. Never forget that you live life from behind the tapestry. By faith, you can look forward to the day when God reveals what he has woven.
Verse 14 tells us God’s purpose: “God has done it, so that people fear before him.” That is, God’s sovereignty should cause you to revere and honor and trust Him. The only right way to make your marriage vows about the rest of life is by trusting that God holds your future.
God Holds You Together
But not only does God hold your future, God also holds you together. In marriage, God is providing you with a rich blessing: a covenant companion to accompany you through life’s highs and lows, as long as you both shall live.
In the portion you selected from chapter 4—the familiar “cord of three strands” passage—the author of Ecclesiastes is contemplating objections to God’s sovereignty. Essentially, the questions go, How can God be sovereign when this or that senseless thing exists in the world?
And one of life’s absurdities the author observes in chapter 4 is lonesome toil. “Again, I saw vanity under the sun: one person who has no other, either son or brother, yet there is no end to all his toil, and his eyes are never satisfied with riches, so that he never asks, ‘For whom am I toiling and depriving myself of pleasure?’ This also is vanity and an unhappy business.” (Ecclesiastes 4:7–8).
There are people who work and work, but never stop to consider why or for whom. There are people who prioritize their career and income and possessions over family. They are too busy climbing the ladder to commit to a spouse or to think about kids. And that, says God’s Word, is an unhappy business (v. 8).
Here, Solomon offers true wisdom: marriage and family is one of God’s gracious gifts to imbue a toilsome life with meaning and joy. Through marriage and—God willing—children, God connects you to the future. Having someone to lay down your life for, to love and care for makes life worth living. “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil” (v. 9). Two can help each other up, keep warm together, and overcome adversity (10–12).
But even better, says the author, is a threefold cord, which is not easily broken (v. 12). That’s what marriage is. Marriage is a covenant between the two of you, but you make your vows before God. As Jesus said, “What God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matt 19:6). As the two of you enter into marriage together, you can do so with confidence that God is the one who joins you and holds you together. He accompanies you wherever you go, whatever his providence brings.
So how can you hope to make and keep your vows to each other? By trusting the God who holds the future and who holds you together.
And all of this is yours in Jesus Christ, who took on flesh and lived a life of joy and sorrow. He perfectly trusted the Father through all the seasons of life, even when he was unjustly condemned to death on a cross. He suffered the death your sins deserve according to the plan of God. And he was raised to life again for your forgiveness. Jesus proves you can always trust God to hold your future and to hold you together.
The Charge
Gavin, you have been working hard and toiling away by yourself. Today, that changes for the better. The Preacher in Ecclesiastes marveled at the unhappy business of the one who has no one else for whom he deprives himself of pleasure. Now you have Hannah. So I charge you to deprive yourself for Hannah’s sake. All your blood, sweat, and tears are now for her sake. Provide for her, protect her, nourish and cherish her, no matter what it costs you, and you will be a happy man. Yours is a weighty responsibility, but God gave you broad shoulders for a reason. May your God-given duty to love and lead Hannah be your greatest delight.
Hannah, you too, have been working diligently on your own, and that also changes for you today. You are willingly trading in your independence to submit your life to this man. And God says that is a good and beautiful thing. I charge you to receive Gavin’s sacrificial love and to respond to his godly initiative. As he lays down his life to protect you and provide for you, your role is to return that to him in the form of honor and help. As strong as he is and as capable as you are on your own, you two will be better than one. Your task as a wife is to use your competence and creativity to cooperate with this man to establish a household where the sweet aroma of Christ abounds. Do that with joy, and God will be glorified.
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.